Mommyhood, exhaustion and other wonderful things

We've had Peter home for nearly two months and a week.  It has flown by.  We are so grateful for the little guy that when he is screaming bloody murder at 3 a.m. we can't get upset at him as we try and mix a bottle and shush him so he doesn't wake up the entire floor with his hollars.  I used to breastfeed but it was hard for me, emotionally and physically.  I wound up being sick and on medicine which caused me to have to pump and dump and pumping hurt like crazy.  It also reinforced why I will never be into S&M <G>. I also learned that using a bottle frees up a lot of time and doesn't cause me to feel self concious when feeding Peter.  I am getting a lot of flack for it because I am out of work but as the Pediatrican said, "6 weeks of successful breastfeeding has given your son the best of nutrition, don't beat yourself up you did the best you could."

Peter barely fit into newborn clothes and for the first few weeks of being home he was in onesies and wrapped in a blanket while he slept 22 hours a day.  We didn't know how to read his cries and did the best we could in those early bleary eyed days.  I noticed a pattern emerge as we wrote down the times of feedings and diaper changes so when he woke up the whole east coast with his crying we had a pretty good idea what he wanted.

Look Who's Talking -- Crying

Now he sleeps in his bassinet next to my side of the bed and his ever present blue teddy bear given to him by his cousin (my niece) Sarah.  One night, I didn't realize the bear wasn't in the bed with Peter who was fussing and wimpering.  I realized it after a minute or two and put it in the bed with Peter who immediately calmed down, cooed and fell asleep.  I now keep it in there by his feet at all time. 

However, there are nights where Peter will fuss so much that he and I will sleep in Larry's chair until sunrise or Larry's alarm clock.  Yes I am spoiling him but which would you rather -- no sleep because of a crying child or sleep with him your arm all night?  yup, so we snuggle all night and to be quite honest it isn't that uncomfortable.

Now that he is growing or as his doctor said "thriving" we are learning and loving his personality.  We are learning to adapt to his 1 a.m., 3 a.m and 6 a.m. feedings but looking into his blue eyes and getting a big toothy grin is so worth the cross eyed exhaustion.

Surprise!! And other birthday gifts

As I sat in the bathroom, my ever present cell phone is with me.  I search in the book "what to expect" to find out what was going on.  Probably would of been helpful if I had my glasses on.  I hollared for Larry to bring my glasses. A groggy "why" eminated from the bedroom but a "thing" emerged from the door holding my glasses.

I felt another gush and learned that my water did in fact break so I called my parents totally forgetting the time and my mother answered the phone "what is wrong."  I told her that she had to come down as my water broke.  Her "omg's" woke up my father.  Larry called his parents who headed to us to take us to the hospital. I called my sister forgetting, again, the hour but remembered my night-owl brother-in-law who I told and I swear I heard him smile through the phone.  Not sure if it is a smile that defines me as nuts or pride but whatever.

Roy said call "9 1 1" but Larry had called his parents instead. I called my OB/GYN who's service said to go to the hospital and as I was changing the on-call doctor called and said "yes your water broke, yes that was the plug.  Your son is certainly in a hurry so I'll meet you there."

So I finally get the courage to exit the bathroom, only because it is the only one and Larry announced he needed it.  I changed out of my favorite nightgown and got into outside clothes.  Very weird feelings were hitting me but more of "I'm not ready to be a mom" terror was slowly gripping me.  Its October 20th and Peter wasn't scheduled to show up until November 14th.

My inlaws showed up with their minivan. I cringed because I hadn't had the courage to tell them I couldn't get in and out of their car up until then.  I lifted one leg in to hoist me in and as fate would have it a labor pain hit, so as graceful as one could I collapsed half in and half out of the van laughing as I hear Bill Cosby say "whoa" in his "himself" monologue style.

Bill Cosby, Himself, "Childbirth"

My father in law, god bless him, made it to the hospital in record time and although I was quiet throughout the trip the labor pains started to hurt.  I slid out of the car and barely made it to a dry wheelchair, it was raining that night.

Got up to Labor and Delivery and they started to prep me.  I got into one of those gowns that never seem to fit no matter how anorexic you are and a I got into the bed a stronger contraction hit and I think Larry winced.  I was 50% dialated.  Not happy but they rushed me into the delivery room to give me my local and spinal block.  Nothing like fighting a full blown panic attack as you start to feel paralyzed from the groin down.

Larry comes in and I try to meditate as the panic attacks are getting stronger as I feel like I'm losing control.  He settles down at my head and all I want him to do is shut up because he is distracting me, sorry honey.  Larry and I both wonder when will the doctor finally start and with that the doctor on the other side of the curtain said "you are about to feel pressure as I remove your son."

I feel pressure, sorta like someone sitting on your belly, and then I hear a very loud and ticked off cry.  First it was Peter and then Larry.  I'm numb.  My son, my miracle, is born at 10:10 a.m. nearly 4 1/2 weeks early.

I didn't get to hold him right away, did get to kiss him but he was wisked to the NICU.  Peter was brought upstairs and I'm sewn up.  It wasn't until nearly 9:30 p.m. until I can see him.  However once I'm in my room I have to get up and sit in the chair to show I can go see my son.  It took a lot of courage and pain pills but I did it because I wanted to bond with my son.

My nurse said "boy you are determined, you will have your son for life whats the rush."  "11 years of trying and one miracle later, you'd be in a hurry too."  She took my blood pressure (140/80) and broke the speed limit to get me upstairs.

With Peter's feeding tube, C-pap, and various wires blocking my full view, my heart jumped into my throat and I fell in love with a 6 pound 12 ounce, 19 inch, strawberry blond little boy.  I was still scared but I knew I would do my best.

Overdoing it and other life lessons

The last few weeks of my pregnancy was hard.  Getting around was starting to become an issue and the weight gain was starting to toll on my psyche.  I was weighing in at 235 pounds, the heaviest I had ever been and it was hard to look in the mirror and not see a fat person.  Larry kept saying "your pregnant, honey, not fat."

Tuesday the 18th, I had gone to the bathroom and felt a splash and saw what I assumed was the mucus plug finally giving way as the book "What to expect when you are expecting" said that within a few weeks of labor it would give way.  Larry dismissed it and I figured I was losing it.

Almost every week I was going to lunch with my cousin Suzie and I looked forward to it.  The week of October 20th, I was in discomfort but wanted to go out and do things while I still could.  On the 19th of October, I went out with Suzie as usual but we went to a couple of stores and walked around.  She was concerned about my now size 9 feet (up from a size 7 1/2).  I was crampy but figured it was Braxton Hicks yet again and dismissed it.

That night we went to our lamaze/parenting class and I was very uncomfortable but dismissed it since we had missed the week before class due to exhaustion on Larry's part (lots of overtime).  Everyone in the class agreed that I might go early and I had pegged Halloween being the earliest.  We came home and to our surprise got a really close parking spot near the apartment building which was nice because I wasn't up for walking as all I wanted to do is go to bed.

We got up to the apartment and Larry helped me into bed.  Because of Peter's belly, I had to start the mission of getting out of bed when the urge to go to the bathroom hit not when when I felt like it as it was a production to get out of bed at that point.

At 3:35 a.m., I felt the usual pangs of "gotta go" and started to get up from my side position and with that I cussed as I thought I just wet the bed.  I jumped, at the best of my beached whale ability, out of bed and with that a gush let loose and I grabbed the towel and ran for the bathroom.

Larry woke up with a start and asked what was wrong as I hobbled quickly to the bathroom saying "I think my water broke."  Which a groggly Larry said "no it didn't you are imagining it."

Nope, it wasn't my imagination.  Peter decided he wanted to be a Libra not a Scorpio.

Earthquakes, Houseworks, Waddling, shopping and third trimester fun

Today was fun.  I was rearranging some cabinets to get another slow cooker put away when the room started to rock.  I assumed it was me and my in-utero gymnast so I got down from the step ladder.  As if on cue, Peter sent up "I have to go potty mommy" so I raced to the bathroom where I settled down with my kindle (only because I'm now addicted to the book "The Help.") and started to wonder why the towels were swaying as the a/c wasn't exactly on high in the living room, then the bathrobes started and I realized the room was swaying.  I got up and finished and raced to the living room where my Grandma Wright's cast iron "mammy" bank was clanging and several collectibles on the shelves were doing the rattle walk.  I mean I know Peter has gained weight but I didn't think I was waddling that bad <G>.  I realized what was going on and got into a doorjam and waited for it to stop.  I was also very proud of me, no panic attacks like I did in the past.  Yay me.  I was worried about loved ones but our agreement that we created after 9-11 worked like a charm.  Can't call instate, call out of state or text.  Happily my sister who was in Florida, did what I asked and I am grateful.

So as the initial shock of a 6.0 magnitude earthquake wore off and the laughter started from the relief of everyone being safe and the fact that nothing was damaged, I took out the trash and sat outside in an otherwise glorious summer afternoon, almost fall like but still kissing summer.  I went back to emptying rubbermaids and boxes.  Now that I have a little energy, I could rearrange a few things.  I am hopeful I can get it done before the baby shower but I am not optimistic.  Everytime I want to do something, like move a box, I hear Larry's voice in my head "be careful think of the baby, be careful."  Sheesh, at this rate I'm never gonna get anything done.  It is hard to "nest" when you are short one closet <G>.

Welcome to the third trimester.  I am officially waddling.  I officially sit like a guy on a subway who needs to make extra room for what he thinks is his extra large manhood, the kind of man I usually say "honey you ain't that big, slide over and put them together." then sit down next to them with the women around me laughing in agreement.  No bending over at the waist without getting karate kicked in protest.  Nothing like squatting and then trying to stand up.  It is a Monty Python skit.

Larry and Sarah still hold the record for farting, I on the other hand have a son who can send up burps on command, it is so lady like.  Larry will say to my belly "I love you Peter," and up comes a "Burp."  He hears Sarah's voice "burp."  I told him the other day we were going to Grandma & Grandpa's for dinner, I had a burp fest.

Sleeping, yeah that is now fun.  I no longer can get comfortable.  As I have discovered at our last ultrasound, Peter loves to shove his head into my hip and his tooshy just on the pelvic bone, it is his prefered location.  However, for mommy it hurts.  As my mom would constantly remind me, I sat on her siatica for the last few months of her pregancy so not a lot of sympathy coming from her, more of an evil giggle.  We own a body pillow for me but as Larry discovered it insulates me therefore I get too hot to sleep and therefore too hot for Larry to sleep next to me.  I am shoving a small pillow under the belly to help but the hot flashes are still awful.  Three and half more months.

The amnio results came back and happily Peter is just fine.  His weight is happily high, 2 1/2 lbs at 28 weeks and 9 inches long.  The water sack at the base of Peter's neck is gone and he is just fine.  Yay!!  We now go every 4 weeks for a growth Ultra-Sound at North Shore New Hyde Park.  We got our first 3D ultrasound and I got to see my son's hand covering his face as usual and with some pleading he cooperated so we got some good readings.  He is a cutie.

I talked to a bunch of friends and am still happy that Ken is very excited about the baby.  It has been nuts for him lately and with my pregnancy emotions I was being a typical over-emotional girl.  We talked one night and we're good.  I also talked to a few other friends via IM (who don't want to be named in the blog, job issues <G>).

I am hating the reflux as it is worse than pre-pregnancy.  Pepcid chewables are next to impossible to find and the pills don't work as quickly so popping one and then chewing Tums is a routine lately.  Managed to find PreNatals that are easy on my system and are not horsepills.  Chewables are a girl's best friend.

We're still struggling financially but with a smaller rent it is easier but not by much.  Ran out of money a week ago and had to keep 1/3 of tank just to move the car to an alternate side so no lunch with Suzie for nearly two weeks.  I am enjoying going to lunch with her and getting to know her.  She is 96 and so much fun.  I am hopeful we will get assistance and food stamps as we could use it.  Although I'm getting better with couponing, food is going up in price and I'm struggling to make the food budget stretch.

Well I am also getting really good getting samples, we've stocked up on bottles and diapers.  Enough diapers for a week, yes it isn't a lot but hey, it is for us.  Why?  Because they came with coupons and free coupons.

I'm still going to school.  It is exhausting because some nights I don't want to check in but I am still keeping my grades between A's and B's in the criminal justice classes.  Will be taking a leave in the fall but I will finish the degree if it kills me.

One day at a time and as I finish this blog, Peter is sending up the "mommy I'm hungry" signals so I better send down some snacks for him.  With how much I am eating, you'd think I'd be gaining weight but I'm not.  I lost another 3 pounds but Peter found the calories and that is all that matters.   Maybe I just need to eat some of Ken's BBQ ribs (which by the way are yummy).

No one said this would be easy.

A lot has happened since my last entry.  I have learned that I can always lean on Larry, my inlaws, a couple of girlfriends and up until recently my friend Ken.  I went through a few scary moments and had no one to tell me this is what is supposed to happen when you are pregnant.

We finally convinced my sister to let Sarah to sleep over.  So we had her for an overnight and although she had some separation issues but she slept through the night and was fine overall.  She helped us to register and had a ball doing it.  She started to get comfortable talking to my belly and laughing when he would send up a burp or kick/punch my side which she felt when we would snuggle.  She called this week to see when we can have another sleep over and we had her squeel in happiness when she learned we were sleeping at her house this weekend (Aug 6-7).

I am what is considered in the medical industry as an old mother.  I am 43 and convention states that I shouldn't be a mother but women before me have done it so it is possible.  I tried very hard not to have an amnio but with every sonogram, blood test, or screening test something negative came out of it.  I was falling into a deep depression which then caused my doctor to suggest that I go to a therapist.  I mean I have a miracle growing in my belly and all I want is something to go right.  After talking to a friend, I decided to go forward with the amnio and I was suddenly flooded with calmness.  I knew I was doing the right thing as scary as it was.  It was scheduled and wasn't fighting a panic attack but fighting the terror of what was about to happen.  We talked to the genetic counselor who I could understand better than the first one and she explained everything in detail.  She said "you can pull out at any time and no one will look down on you. Its your body your choice."  I wanted medical proof that I knew my son was perfectly healthy and to leave the two of us alone.  We went into the sonogram room and the tests began.

The nurse and technician were very nice and let me listen to my son's heartbeat while they prepped me.  I realized that Peter's heartbeat is what was preventing me from going into a full panic attack.  They took a lot of pictures some of which we got to keep.  Peter kept up his sillyness.  One marker for having T13/T18 is a clenched fist, he proved that wrong by giving us an open-handed wave, curled into a thumbs up when I said "I'm sorry honey, Mommy didn't want to do this so please don't touch the shiny thing ok." and then promptly made a fist and started to suckle his fist.  His goofyness made me smile through the tears.  The nurse said "don't winch because we don't want to lose the spot."  They did not numb me and it hurt like H-E-double hockey sticks.  Peter moved his legs out of the way and they took three vials of amnio fluid and took the needle out.  With that I cried because it hurt so much and as much as I was appreciative of Larry being there I wanted my sister or mom to be there.  Larry's folks picked us up and I stayed in bed for the next day and half.  Peter didn't kick or punch me much that day but I could feel him "scratching" me almost like trying to say "I'm still here."  I hurt emotionally and physically but I didn't want to miscarry so I did what the doctor said and Larry hovered.

The next day was my 25th High School reunion which was fun.  Two women refused to give me eye contact when I talked to them.  I found that funny, after 25 years they think I'm the same girl I was in High School.  I enjoyed it and a lot of my former classmates were hovering because they knew what had happened the day before and were happy I was there.  I learned a lot from a few of my former classmates and it makes me respect them more.

I learned who I can rely on and who I can't.  I wish I could tell some people how their actions really hurt me but I don't have it in me to fight with them.  One friend who distanced himself and I did have a conversation of sorts and I know that we are the same when it comes to stress--back off and come back when it is over.  One day at a time.

The following week after the amnio we met up with Dr. Charnes and learned about the "cliff notes" version of Peter's amnio and learned he was perfectly healthy.  He had nothing that they assumed he might have.  It was the "middle finger" I was looking for.  She said to call the following week to hear the full report but I knew we could move on.  She said she still wanted me to go to therapy but Larry said that I didn't need therapy as ever since I had chosen to do the amnio I was a calmer happier person.  I am now bonding with Peter and Larry tends to walk into the room and asks "who are you talking to honey?"  Well duh who do you think <G>.

I am learning to roll with the "punches" and the late night fruit cravings.  Dr. Charnes' nurse is sweet when she says "step on the scale, gaining weight is a good thing."  I haven't gained a lot only about 10 pounds but with the fruit cravings and rotissari cravings that should end soon.  I don't want to gain a lot but I don't want to risk Peter's health.  We are happy that he is the size of a #10 envelope and weighs 1 pound 10 ounces, this week we will find out how healthy size and weight wise he is.  We finally agreed on an apple juice and I contacted the company Martinelli's who is sending us coupons.  One day at a time is the motto of the week and I hope to continue that mantra.

We are now happily in month six and will take what comes my way knowing that ultimately Peter is healthy and we will be a good team.  I promise him that I will do my best to be a good mommy.  I am scared but I know he knows I love him and can't wait to see him.

Baby' sense of humor, TV peversions, food cravings and hot flashes

I'm learning how to deal with the sweaty hot flashes in the middle of the night.  It is horrible, almost like a muggy August night with no fans or air conditioner but in the middle of May.  Larry tried to open a window but it didn't help because the humidity was so high.  So the next day I cleaned off the fan and plugged it in -- HEAVEN.  Unfortunately for Larry it was cold in the room, for me it was heaven.  It isn't perfect because I do still wake up sweaty but I don't wake up in the middle of the night feeling overwhelmingly hot.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love my Criminal Minds, CSI, Mentalist and similar shows. Those shows never bothered me with how graphic they were.  I watched a recent CSI and raced to the bathroom when the Medical Examiner took the body temp through the eye and I threw up the apple juice I was drinking.  On the other hand I can watch Police Women of whichever county, Miami Dade Swat, Alaska State Troopers among others.  Oh well.  I did manage to watch the season ender of CSI but it did make my stomach flop but I watched it with a lot of communicating to my baby saying how I like this show and I'll put on something lighthearted afterward.  The baby protested but settled down as I bribed with yoplait whips strawberry.

I don't know what a true craving is but I know I cannot get enough of fruit.  Strawberries, Cantalope, Watermelon, Pineapple, Apples, Pears, Plums, Peaches are my favorites in general but I'm eating them like they are going out of style.  Plop some Yoplait yogurt on top, sprinkle some nuts and I'm in heaven.  If I could eat rotissary chicken for the rest of my pregnancy I'd be a happy camper.  I cannot eat enough of it.  Oh and lemonaid in any form.  McDonald's & Applebees has a frozen lemonaid that I adore as does the kid.  I also like Fruit Punch and Gateraide, almost like to the point Elizabeth loved Apple Juice.

Here is the video from Look who's talking that had me laughing as Elizabeth nearly reinacted it with a jug of apple juice one day during her pregnancy:

Thirsty?  

Being pregnant has forever ruined the movie "Look who's talking" for me.  I remember watching it when Beth was pregnant and it was the beginning of the end for me and the movie.

I visited the vampires, um blood collection office, to give 7 vials of blood and a bucket of 24 hours collection of urine (which by the way I am so not equipped to do and was a total pain to do).  I also did the glucose tolerance test and if you like watered down koolaid mixed with jello then this drink is for you, way too sweet for my taste but I did it and it stayed down.  As on cue, my veins did the "hide and seek" for the technician but managed to find one but man it hurt getting to it.

Well we went for the Down Syndrome test.  The baby is very active and we got to see the baby moving it's mouth and on que waved as I said "Hi honey."  Now the test administrator needed my child to lay on it's back so an accurate reading could be taken.  Unfortunately, like mommy, baby likes to be on it's side.  So we jiggled the sack and poked with the ultrasound wand (which technically hurt because of a pulled muscle) but the only thing the baby did was roll over to the other side.  We wiggled harder and the baby landed on it's back but not before throwing up both arms in a "wheeee" stance and I saw the mouth open in protest.  It had us laughing.  We got a reading of 2.5 cm which is still in the healthy range but upper end of it.  We'll take it.

I did reinjure a fistula, the horseshoe one, and can't drive very far because I can tear it further by jerking or overcorrecting myself in the drivers seat.  It was very scary when I saw blood and wasn't sure where it was coming from.  Happily the OB/GYN saw me immediately and reassured me it wasn't the baby.  She had me change my diet to a softer diet and increase my fiber intake as my pregnancy constipation is what injured it. So now i'm looking at my favorite foods and their "fiber rich" counterparts.  The texture is different but anything to not have that pain return is a godsend.

Tonight is the first meeting for the second trimester and then Friday is the genetic doctor.  Next month is when we find out about the sex of the munchkin.  I cannot wait for that because I'm dying to start to look for baby room stuff but it is hard when you like one crib for a boy:

and then like a totally different one for a baby girl:

But once June 28th comes we will know what we have.  Then again why don't we let the kid from "Kindergarten Cop" explain it better <G>  What makes us different. <G>

Well we're heading into our second trimester and happily the nausea has abaited somewhat, reflux is still annoying but doable, sleep is still troublesome but we're working on it.  I am learning to not do anything as frustrating as it is.  As I believe in the paranormal, I have seen the same man out of the corner of my eye walking in the apartment either standing by the spinny unit with a cowboy hat or just walking down the hallway after standing in the door jam.  I'm not frightened by him but am curious to know who my visitor is.  He is about 17 years old and has dark hair, medium build, tall (like 5' 6") and over protective.  I think I know who it is but it has been so long since I've seen him.  Hum.

Anyhow, I better get the fruit cut up because the fresh pineapple scent is driving the two of us nuts.

Mother's Day, Turning 43, and second trimester fun

I have been physically and mentally exhausted for what seems like for months.  For whatever reason I decided to have a small dinner party on sunday for mother's day.  I had Suzie, Sarah, Beth, Roy and Larry at dinner.  I made a small dinner of honey mustard chicken, brown rice, mixed vegetables, garlic bread and a tossed salad.  Roy was impressed with how healthy everything was and gave me high praise for doing better.

I played the Wii with Sarah and we played tennis and for a good 3-5 minutes we were lobbing the ball back and forth and Roy got very concerned that I was exerting myself.  But as I reminded him, I have to exercise and this is low impact.  He laughed and boxed with his daughter, which was very wrong on many levels.

Sarah and I had a long chat and thanks to Ken's advice, I told her that she cannot hurt me or the baby if she gives me one of her hugs.  I told her I missed her hugs and with that she gave me such a bear hug I stifled an "ouch," but it felt so good.  She started to talk to the belly telling the baby how I drive her nuts but it is ok.  She is uneasy touching the belly because although I always had a little one, this one makes her uneasy and I told  her it was ok.  I wouldn't make her do anything that would make her uncomfortable.  She timidly smiled and held my hand.

We texted back and forth via our DS' and she looked at me and said "I love you Aunt Kate, forever and ever."  Her eyes nearly broke my heart and I hugged her and I said "I love you Sarah Goose forever and day, I promise."  So she snuggled and I kissed her head.  This is going to be very hard for her.

I turned 43 and had so much energy today it was a nice change of pace.  It was almost like the baby wanted to give me a gift of a good deep sleep and that is exactly what I got.  I was energetic today and got so much done that I am so excited about. I boxed up a bunch of stuff that we sold on eBay, got my homework done earlier than usual.  Larry came home to his teasing mischevious wife and jokingly asked "where's your pod."

So welcome to the second trimester where dizziness reigns supreme, but nothing new for me who is teased that my relationship with gravity has always been a love/hate relationship.  I am hoping the energy will last as I enjoyed my walk to the library today.  With Larry's never-ending energy the house looks great and hopefully I'll be able to keep it going.

Learning to be dependant and other challenges

I have been independent since I learned how to walk.  I find dusting and straightening up a room rewarding epecially if I haven't done it in awhile.  Now I cannot even muster the energy to sweep the floor of the ever growing dust-bunnies.

Larry has been doing a great job picking up where I left off.  I spent two days sorting through books on our bookshelves and nearly got clocked in the head with an Ikea bookshelf light fixture.  I'm listing a ton of stuff on eBay and managed to score $75 thus far towards the baby furniture.  In rearranging the bookshelves I decided to put some family photographs on the top shelf, Larry hollars at me "don't stretch, don't reach." I didn't reach like if I had to go on my tippy toes but my arm did go above my head and the result is beautiful but my hip is out.  In going through a box I found something that I thought I threw out years ago, it had me crying for a good 10 minutes and I couldn't explain to Larry why.

I learned my lesson to watch how much exercising I do.  I went with my family to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and it is a very large place.  We walked for 3 hours, breaking for a few minutes for lunch but I managed to keep up with everyone but towards the end I felt my back go out.  Sarah, my beloved niece, refuses to hug me because she is scared she will hurt the baby but she is technically hurting my feelings because I don't know how to explain to her she can't hurt the baby.  She's trying, I'm new at this too honey.

So I am learning to leave a mess on the floor, not make the bed every morning, not empty the dishwasher because I can't stretch without throwing out my hip.

I have learned to like fruit punch and apple juice instead of diet coke or orange juice.  I will give up tuna fish and pizza for now.  I have learned to love yoplait whips yogart for breakfast with nuts and raisons.  I will get up for my 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. water drinking needs (why do I see a pattern emerging?).

I guess God wanted me to learn how to be humble and ask for help.  One day at a time.

Baby's first picture

We went to see Dr. Charnes today and filled out tons of paperwork.  Because I am an old fart, I have to have a lot more testing than say my younger counterpart.

As the camera came in it must have poked the sack cause the first movement was "what the heck was that?" I was initially floored and said "hi honey" with that the baby waved one little arm.  Larry was in the room and we were floored.  I was stunned but did hear a very healthy and fast heartbeat.

The staff at Dr. Charnes' office is wonderful and we felt totally at ease with them.  Due to my surgeries from a few years ago and the nature of them, we have opted for medical reasons to have a "C" section to save from any complications.

I have a lot of appointments and a meeting with a genetic specialist to rule out whatever is necessary.  I have to do a lot of blood work so I better make friends with the vampires now <G>.

Our target due date is November 20, 2011 and we will find out the sex in late June.  Now it is real and I am going to do my darnest to be a good "oven" to "bake" the baby for 9 months.  I have a lot of friends who I adore and are so supportive of me and I can always count on them in Facebookland to make me smile or reassure me "its normal  honey."

I am grateful to God for the gift he has bestowed on me and Larry.

Nerves and learning the art of patience

Tomorrow is the big day, our first OB/Gyn where there is more involved than a pap smear and plumbing check up.  It is the first time where I have to be concious of another being being "cooked" as my girlfriend Lynne said today.

I've been wanting this day to come for so long so I can know for real that I'm pregnant.  I'm a basket of nerves and am hoping that everything is ok.  I read all about what to expect in the book "What to expect when you are expecting" and "pregnancy and over 35."  I shouldn't be this nervous, I'm familiar with the sturrops and cold "salad spoons" as well as an ultrasound.  I know what that is, I certainly had a few of those in my life.  I guess my friend Frank put it in the best way "tomorrow will cement it that you are going to be a mommy and we all will be here for you."

I am glad my in-laws are driving because I wouldn't be any good to the traffic gods.  I just want to know what I am allowed to do and not allowed to do because this house is a dusty disasters, do they make condoms for dust bunnies <G>.

I am eating the best I can, nauseausness is making eating hard.  I crave Apple Juice and Gatorade Fruit Punch.  I am learning to be patient and to let stress go.  I don't want to hurt the baby and if I'm tired, I take a nap.  I am trying to look in the mirror and not see a fat person but a pregnant person.  I lean on my friends as I can always count on them to be there for me.

I would like to feel something, emotionally.  I want to let go and be excited, I wish I had the nerve to let go and be excited.  Maybe tomorrow.  Tomorrow will be here soon enough.

Food Adventures, tempting fate

Well so far my favorite guilty pleasure of Tuna Fish, Starkist kind, was a oh heck no.

I was given the o.k. to drink a little diet coke as long as it is 2 TBS just to get rid of a withdrawl headache.  Happily, the withdrawls are well withdrawing, LOL.

Bagels are just too heavy for my belly now.  So I technically rejected them right now.

Chef Boyardee has always been a favorite probably since childhood.  For whatever reason it smells like dog food.  I can eat it but the intial smell makes my stomach flop.

Everything else seems to be ok.  I tested my all time favorite Gyro and it stayed down.

Homemade trail mix and yogart are my staples right now.  Brazil nuts are my favorite and I never liked them before.

I am just overtired and tired of being now called unemployable.  I would like to be a housewife of the 1950s only because cost of living was more possible on one salary but in 2011 two salaries are desperately needed.

Tomorrow we will test pizza with Sarah, Beth, Suzie and my Aunt.

Waddling, phone calls and clothes shopping

My beloved niece Sarah called today.  She figured out how to dial her mother's android cell phone.  She took it out of her mom's purse and after sounding out a few things, she found my cell phone number and hit dial.  Her mother's ring tone went off and I said hello.  A very chipper "Hi Aunt Kate it's Sarah."  So I responded "Hi Honey, whats up."  So she told me she was worried about me and wanted to make sure I was ok as I always call her to make sure she is ok.  (try not to choak up when responding) I assured her I was ok and that the baby was too.  Sometimes the baby likes to rearrange my innards, which garnard an "oh aunt kate" followed by giggles.  I asked her how was school "fine," what kind of glasses did she get (she's nearsided) "really cool iCarly glasses."  I asked her if she had any other questions and she did so I answered them the best I could.  I heard her mother (my sister) come down the stairs and ask "Sarah who is on the phone?" "Aunt kate" "did she call or did you call her?" (I guess she was nagging her mommy to call me <G>) "I called her."  You could hear a pin drop after her mother heard that one. LOL.  My sister told her "I don't want you using my phone without my permission ok." "yes mommy, I'm sorry, I was worried about Aunt Kate." So she put her mother on who asked who called who and I reiterated that Sarah called me and not to get angry, she was really worried and it is ok.  So Sarah and I started to talk again and I told her we can talk longer on Monday and she was excited about that and said "I will hug you gently Aunt Kate."  That is one way to wake up to have a smile on your heart all day.

Well walking is starting to be an issue.  I can do it but my lower back starts to ache.  I just have to remember to keep me hydrated.  I walk slower than usual but I can keep up as long as I can sit for a minute or two.  I have to remember that I just got over pneumonia so the wind still gets knocked out of me quickly.

So we went to Kmart, Babys R Us, Conway, and BJs.  Kmart scored us a one shouldered dress for a $1.99 on clearance.  Granted it is a 3x but at the moment I'm a 2x up from an XL.  Just wandered around Babys R Us looking at the baby stuff.  Conway scored us a 2x shirt, very pretty and light weight.  BJs just got us garbage bags and body wash for Larry.

One day at a time.  Found sleeping in a sports bra under my pjs is helpful to keeping the breast pain at bay.  Larry is hovering which I am getting used to.  As he said this morning, the 27th can't come fast enough. LOL.

Ok you're pregnant, now what?

Being pregnant puts a whole new spin on walking in a fog.  Happily I had already contacted an OB/Gyn to do the whole yearly plumbing check up so that is on April 27th for 11:45 a.m.  Dr. Charnes was recommended by a girlfriend so here's to hoping otherwise a monthly trek to Woodbury, NY is not something I'm willing to do at $3.89 a gallon. <G>

No more diet coke, seriously this is hard I'm a 2 liter a week kinda girl but I did it.  Eating healthy, already been in motion.  Learning to not like food that I once adored, like I have a choice--eat it or throw it up.  Ok when did Chef Boyardee suddenly smell like dog food?

My dear, beloved, departed Grandmother Higby's side of the family put Anna Nicole Smith to shame. Prior to being pregnant I was a healthy 42DD, yeah like that is going to last.  "Wait until you can't see your feet," seriously I'm having issues now.  The "girls" hurt like crazy now.  Reflux from heck and you can't take your pepcid, thank god Tums/Rolaids are calcium rich I'm eating them like candy at night.  Waist line was getting smaller thanks to a diet but oh well.  My favorite legging don't exactly fit through the waist any more.

I bought for the kindle "What to expect when expecting" and "What to expect when expecting what to eat"  the latter I actually bought at Barnes and Noble just to flip through easier.  They are definately the "dr. spock" books for this generation.

No, Seriously? You got to be kidding. Oh God.

I never do things simply.  I had pneumonia and was in the hospital being treated for it.  I was also two months late with my cycle.  The doctor in the E.R. insisted on a pregnancy test but after 11 years of disappointment, I instictively thought "nah I'm not pregnant."  I hope to god I didn't do anything wrong by taking some of the meds she prescribed.

Well the following week I felt weird, well maybe not weird but different.  So I dug out a pregnancy test, bought gods-know-when from family dollar and peed on it.  I looked at it and there was a faint crosshatch line making a cross and a strong other line in the other window and because it was so faint, I figured the age of the test gave me a false-positive.

I called my sister who said I should buy a digital pregnancy test, would have been nice to know it was so expensive but CVS had it on sale. I bought it and a few other things and the pharmacist that I adore said "good luck, your skin looks great who needs skin cream anymore."   I blushed and paid for my things.

Next morning, I peed on the stick.  It flashed a clock and I brushed my teeth and washed my face and looked down.  "Pregnant +" showed in the window. I sat down hard on the closed toilet bowl and burst into tears.  I had a follow up Doctor's appointment with Dr. Sferraza to check on the pneumonia progress and all I could think of is all those x-rays, the medicine that I stopped cold turkey and my addiction to diet coke.

I arrived at Dr. Sferraza's with my sister and spoke to Cathy (the RN) and told her my suspicion and she said well here and handed me an EPT Digital test and that is what I already took, I told her. She then screamed with delight cause it is the only test the office uses other than a blood test.  I told her I wanted a blood test and she smiled and said ok.

Dr. Sferraza called me in, said "hello Kate's bodyguard" to my sister and reviewed everything.  Beat the pneumonia (check), pregnant one vial of blood please (sorry sis about your hand).  Call back on Monday about noon to find out.

Longest fricken weekend of my life. Just for good measure I peed on the second EPT test and yup "pregnant +" so we are pretty much knocked up. LOL.  Next is the family, my mother said "OMG" for about 20 minutes.  My in-laws thought we wanted to tell them about the pneumonia and that we needed to move back in--fake out.  My sister is like, I'm going to be an Aunt,OMFG.  Sunday we tell the balance of the family who of course erupts in excitement.

Monday finally shows up and I call and ask to talk to Dr. Sferraza, Margie (office manager) said give her a minute and Dr. Sferraza comes on the line and says "hi Kiddo, or should I say Hi Mom."  I burst into tears and called my husband at work.  He of course screams "I'm going to be a father!!!!" and I heard someone say "congratulations, Larry sit down."

In order I notified the following people:

My folks
My sister
My cousin Suzie (she's 95)
My friend Frank
My friend Tom
and I texted my friend Ken
(then I followed up with an eMail to my Aunt)

Facebook has everyone else and then it went viral.

Not quite sure who Larry contacted but I know we worked down his HUGE Italian family tree.  So after years of trying, we're pregnant.  Welcome to the ride.